We assume it takes grand gestures to choose YOU and at first, it is daunting and intimidating especially when you learn to put others’ needs before your own. I am constantly asking myself “Why are people always testing me?” and “How is it I feel like people are taking advantage of my kind heart?” You cannot assume that people want to do the right thing; the mistake is we assume everyone is like us so we are leaving the responsibility up to others to take care of our heart.
Babies and kids have mastered this skill so well and as we grow into adolescence and adults, we learn to make others happy by sacrificing our own essential needs to keep the peace and harmony for all parties involved. By not taking responsibility, we tolerate disrespect, toxicity, weak boundaries and anger at those who repeatedly cross those boundaries.
For me, failing to enforce boundaries stems from wanting to please everyone else and a want for the world to see me as the “cool” chick that was going with the flow. Being the “cool” chick was a façade, because deep down I wanted to be that fearless woman that did not care what others thought about me. In the midst of it, I did not stop to hear my own voice that was pushing me to be that fearless woman; I pushed away my own potential to satisfy others’ perception of me because I assumed their identity of me as my own identity of myself.
Courage, Intent and Fear are three ways to choose YOU.
Courage — How do you truly see yourself? The ability to see yourself thru your own lenses is crucial to actually seeing YOU. You cannot allow others’ perception to cloud your vision because you will not be able to see clearly. Courage is the willingness to see yourself in a different light, your environment and experiences define your beliefs about how you see the world, and it takes real courage to challenge those beliefs. The audacity to dream a different life for yourself is courage all by itself.
Intent — purpose, determined to do something, showing earnest and eager attention are the definitions of intent. Once you have the courage to see yourself in a new light, intent are the steps that will move you in the direction. Intentions are clear, consistent actions that define how you want to present your true self to others and the world. Intent is having the DTR when dating someone, speaking up in the moment when personal boundaries are crossed, saying no and not feel the need to explain your self. More importantly, they are set every day and moment by moment.
Fear — Taking ownership of your fear is taking responsibility for you. You own and manage the fear, not the other way around. Fear doesn’t define you and you cannot let it hold you back and take you hostage. Instead, replace the word fear with excitement because when you take the negative definition of fear and replace with a positive definition, your demeanor changes from scared to curious. When you are curious about trying new things, you create a feeling of euphoria and joy. It does not matter if it does not work it is not considered do or die, it is just means you will find another way.
Create the highest, grandest vision for your life. Then let every step move you in that direction –Oprah Winfrey
Stop looking back and thinking Oh I should have did this or said this. Throw all that out of the window because it holds no weight on the decision you make today to choose yourself. Each day is a gift and a chance to start anew. What you did or did not say yesterday does not dictate what you will say and do in this moment and going forward. The 1st day of doing anything new is hard and there will be challenges; the success to choose you starts very small and the only person it should matter to you is you.
love always,
Image credit: Photo by Ashley Whitlatch on Unsplash